March: The voice within

It was in December 1995 that I first came to London. Since then I have been back and forth more times than I can remember. Travelling the world, seeing new places, finding new experiences. The reasons I kept coming back to London were always different...Family, friends, work, love, and the reasons to leave much the same but whether I was coming or going the underlying feeling was always the same, there had to be something else, something more...something, someplace that would make me happy. The feeling that somewhere in the world existed the place that would be perfect for me. A place where I would be happy.

More often than not we look to the outside world for what we are missing inside. We seek out the people, the places and the things we feel we are missing only to discover that once obtained we only feel better for a while before the gnawing feeling starts to creep back in and we feel no better, no happier than before. So we aim bigger, better, we aim for more…but the feeling is still there until we turn the gaze back onto ourselves. For years I was running, looking, searching for the change that I so deeply desired only to find that nothing lasted. When we live for the outside world nothing will last. When we put the key to our happiness in someone else's pocket it is not truly ours.

Last year I took 4 months off work to travel and I knew that when I got back nothing would be the same. I didn’t know what or how but I knew something would change and as much as I tried to think, plan and figure out what it was that Universe had in stall for me I couldn’t see it. Not until I stopped trying to figure it out, not until I stopped trying to make a plan, not until I stopped, became still and I listened did I hear the answer. Something telling me that it is time, it is time to move on. I don’t have a plan but I have trust and I have faith. Trust that everything will reveal itself and faith that events will happen that will guide me forward.

After countless trips to charity shops and other places I have reduced my belongings and packed up what remains. I have bought my ticket and I am ready to go. It is with a mixture of unbelievable excitement and also a sadness that I in 5 weeks leave London for what might be the last time. Sure I will visit but my book of London is now at its end. Leaving behind amazing friends and awesome people that have crossed my path over the years. However far away I go they will always be with me close to my heart.

Some people might say that I am crazy and those who know me the best will say that that is not too far from the truth. When I first started to practice yoga I did it for the physical reasons, to heal from injury. But I realise now that my physical injury was only a manifestation of the emotional injuries I had caused to myself for so many years. We are not what we can see with the naked eye, we are not the shape of our body or the colour of our skin. We are not our thoughts or the actions manifested from those thoughts. What we are goes far beyond the business of our minds and it is only when we stop or are forced to stop that we can truly see. Yoga has taught me to look within. To see Me and what makes Me happy. To see my own truth and to be able to follow and listen to the true voice inside. Do I need to know what comes next? The answer is no.

I am not saying that giving up on what you have is the way to go forward. We all have our own truth and our own path to follow. This is my voice, you have your own. We just need to listen to our own hearts.